


Pathetic

by scriptophobia



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (it's not explicit but he Wants To), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Depression, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Intrusive Thoughts, Self-Hatred, Swearing, vent fic, welcome back to: lex projecting onto her favourite character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:08:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22626103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scriptophobia/pseuds/scriptophobia
Summary: Roman's pathetic, a failure, and just so damn tired
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Pathetic

**Author's Note:**

> this one is a doozy, be safe out there kids
> 
> hmu on tumblr @heavenly-roman or don't i dont really care

Roman sits at his desk, staring at his blank laptop screen. He groans. The words won’t come to him. No, scratch that, the words  _ are  _ coming to him - he just can't bring himself to write said words. Sighing in frustration, he shuts his laptop a little too aggressively and buries his head in his hands.

The sobbing doesn’t start right away. It builds, starting with a lump in his throat and a burning in his eyes. Hot tears steadily roll down his cheeks, and if he had decided to  _ stop being such a goddamn sensitive bitch _ , he could’ve easily wiped the tears away and pretended they never happened. 

Unfortunately for Roman and the nagging voice in his head, the tears continue, morphing into heavy sobs within a matter of seconds. He’s struggling to breath between each sob wracking his body, but he doesn’t care. He fiddles with the elastic band around his wrist.

_ Do it, Roman. You deserve it. _

Roman pulls the band back and lets it snap against his wrist, hot shame building in his abdomen. Logan would call it a healthy coping mechanism - Roman would call it  _ pathetic _ .

The elastic band stings, leaves angry red lines in its wake. He makes it about half way down his forearm before switching arms.

_ Is that all you’ve got? I know you can do better than that, Roman. _

So he pulls back farther, snaps his wrists harder, makes the red welts angrier, and it’s still not enough. He stands on shaky legs and moves to the bathroom, thankful that he’s currently home alone. Rummaging through the cabinets, he finds an unopened razor. He rips the package open and examines the head of the razor.

“God fucking  _ damnit _ !” He yells when he realizes the blades can’t be removed. He slides down the wall as he cries, each sob somehow getting louder and louder.

_ Can’t even self harm correctly? You’re a failure, Roman, a failure. _

“I know!” He screams to the voice in his head. “I know, just shut the fuck up!”

_ You know I can’t do that, Roman, not until you do it correctly. Try again tomorrow, love - maybe go buy some of those disposable razors after class, that ought to do the trick. _

And Roman cries. He slowly but surely moves away from the wall, standing and staring at himself in the mirror. His eyes are red-rimmed and puffy, his nose and cheeks are flushed, and his lips are swollen. God, he’s so  _ pathetic _ .

He shuffles his way back to his bedroom - he would slam the door if he wasn’t so exhausted. He flicks off his light and crawls into bed, despite it only being 7:30. As he closes his eyes to sleep, he makes a mental note to stop at the dollar store on the way home tomorrow. 

**Author's Note:**

> did i really want to spill all my emotions and feelings onto the internet where anyone can see? no  
> but do i need validation from random strangers? yes
> 
> end me if you see a typo, or just end me in general idc
> 
> [ if you liked this, consider buying me a coffee?](https://ko-fi.com/lextriestowrite)


End file.
